I was thinking about Valentine's Day...

This year, I happen to be dateless (although it may work out that I am meeting a new internet boy for the first time). In the past, I have had casual dates, new boyfriends, and even a long stretch with a man I loved (at the time). But it occurred to me that Valentine's Day never really made me feel loved.

I didn't feel loved because a guy bought me a Valentine's Day card or sent me flowers - it was Valentine's Day! That's what he was supposed to do. There was absolutely nothing special about getting flowers on Valentine's Day. There was nothing special about getting a card or getting chocolates, because the tv and newspaper ads had been screaming at him for weeks that he had to get me something special.

I didn't feel loved no matter what he bought me - there was always someone who got more roses, bigger diamonds, better chocolates. And it occurs to me that the this is the crux of Valentine's Day - the competition, especially among the women. It's so much about being able to show off to the other women in the office how my man got me the best flowers...or being sadly out of the competition when there were no roses on my desk. It was all the speculation about who would get diamonds, who would get flowers, who would get engaged, and the aftermath, talking about where you went and what you did and knowing that your story would somehow never quite measure up. Even if I secretly suspected those other women were lying, I still couldn't manage to come up with the best lie.

I just don't buy it anymore. It's great to get flowers, but I would really, honestly prefer to get them on my birthday or our anniversary than to get them on some random day that the floral industry has designated as the right day to send them. (The right day to send roses in particular, which are out of season, all imported and at the height of their price.) Of course, when I say that, other women look at me and shake their heads sadly. Poor thing, they say to themselves, it's so sad that she doesn't have a man to send her roses.

Maybe next year, there will be some special man in my life. Either way, there will be no pressure for roses in my house.